20 years and counting.

Last Wednesday was my husbands and I 20th anniversary of the day we met. We had great plans. My very best girlfriend in the world wrote a letter for a contest, and we won a free room at a lovely Bed and Breakfast. Well needless to say we did not have the money to go which totally pissed me off. As in fire coming out of my eyes, and smoke coming out of my ears pissed. I kicked the garbage disposal under the sink. (broke it) No body wanted to talk to me for the whole day. Why is it the things you look forward to the most always gets messed up. For 20 years I have had my plans totally screwed up while other people in my family (husband) has their plans go off without a hitch. I never wanted to move back to Ohio but yet here I am. I never wanted to live in a small town, but yet here I am. I absolutely never wanted to be in an old house(1850's) yet again here I am. I try to think positive. Sometimes its a very hard thing to do. I hurt all the time from my back issues, and its hard to stay positive while your in pain. Sometimes its hard to think at all.
I have been having issues with the thought should I stay or should I go. There are people in my life that say "when you get out of school leave him" then I have people on the other side of the road saying "stay you idiot, you can make things get better" The only thing is do I want things to get better, yet I will compromise again, or do I go and find happiness somewhere else. What questions I need to answer, before I go crazy and get put in a crazy hospital.