Fall in Ohio

Its the middle of Oct already. Wow how fast time flies when you are really stressed. I was gone most of the summer, taking care of a hurting mom. I felt really guilty coming back home when I know I am needed so much there. Don't get me started on the drama that I had to put up with while I was there. My poor mom she has to deal with so much crap on a regular day, its even crappier when my sister needs something, or my brother decides he is gonna be a ass. My niece the true Bitch we have have come to know and despise is also in the picture to cause high blood pressure to us all. The only good thing I can say about being gone so long is the fact we missed Ohio in August nothing I repeat nothing sucks as bad as August in Ohio. Its hot, its humid, I'm cranky, the kids are cranky, the hubby is cranky, (well he is always cranky) But back to fall in Ohio I just love this time of year. Its cool in the evening, its warm during the day, the leaves are turning wonderful colors of yellow red orange, and all colors in between. The thing I love the most is the peacefulness. I have been known to just disappear for hours. No body knows where my happy place is and I am not about to spill it in this blog. What else can I talk about? How bout how crazy, awful my relationship is with my husband since I have been back. I have wanted to punch him in the face, IN THE FACE. That can not be good. I cry a lot, the kids think I am gonna leave him, I think deep down inside he thinks I am gonna leave him. There are days I want to. I was going to have us all go to therapy, my daughter in law (who I really did not mean to open up to about all this) thought it would be better if just him and I went to see someone. I think she is right. I am in the process of finding someone. I don't want to give up after almost 20 years, but I don't want to be miserable either. I can honestly say I have been pretty damn miserable. I checked out some books from the library that are about forgiveness and other BS. Yes I need to forgive him for taking his family side on some of our issues. I just feel he should back me up. I am the one who takes care of him, makes sure he gets sleep, food, and love. (well not to much lately) its hard to be loving when you want to punch him in the face. Hopefully all these things will clear up and we can move past this. I just want him to understand that my feelings should come first, and if he would back me up I would take him with me when I disappear to see the lovely change of colors.